War On All Fronts

Tired can be so understated. Even the word overwhelm. When you are an autism of two children, who also happen to be coloured, Muslim, victims of domestic abuse, then words just fail to describe how much damage control is needed. And how does one train themselves to do this effectively? Is there some training to … Continue reading War On All Fronts

A Joined Up Approach?

I am shear knackered at explaining down various phone calls that we need help. You hear of stories of runaways, suicide, domestic abuse, child abuse, sectioned, physical assault, and what not. Did you ever care to think how long the story has been going for? What made the escalation happen? Where were the authorities with … Continue reading A Joined Up Approach?

She’s a Suicide Bomber

07/08/2020 I have never had it that direct before. Usually it’s a comment loud enough for me to hear, but not for witnesses – “AllahuAkbar”. This time, I had witnesses. Not ones I would have chosen. The younger two kids were sat at in the car in sweltering heat, desperate for ice cream. I found … Continue reading She’s a Suicide Bomber

My Faith Isn’t Weak

Too much uncertainty affects everyone. I hear that. Especially in lockdown, everyone got a taste of being disabled. But not many actually acknowledged this. Introverts and anxious folks know what I mean. These are just part and parcel for most autistics. Obviously I cannot comment on behalf of others, but from the people I have … Continue reading My Faith Isn’t Weak

Tangled Emotions

29/07/20 Yesterday I managed to flush out the stuck feelings. Even if that meant picking a hallow argument about unmet motherly needs with oldest. I still don’t feel much lighter. Maybe it’s pms, as the sister picked up on. And the snapping doesn’t help. Everything just tangled together. I am back to being unable to … Continue reading Tangled Emotions

Holding the Strings

Many people think that once the you have separated, that the abuse is over. The taste for control is so addictive that the addict will do anything to get a hit. Whether that means hurting their own children, or even blocking their own future progression. In the rage of vengeance, they are blind to the … Continue reading Holding the Strings

The Outlaw

“When a [wo]man is denied the right to live the life [s]he believes in, [s]he has no choice but to become an outlaw.” Nelson Mandela It’s sad that I see the plight of many single mothers in this. I was called out for being an ‘outlaw’ yesterday. I woke up this morning, heavy and bruised. … Continue reading The Outlaw

Why Am I Not Crying?

My brain has been super distracted this week. I have this undercurrent storming below with a mellow sunshine glistening on the surface. I dare say it… do I miss being sad? Was I supposed to cry on Monday? 13th July marked two sad events. The day I married and the day my aunt suddenly died. … Continue reading Why Am I Not Crying?

Another Perspective

This one isn’t about me. Today I listened to my dear friend cry, but I was smiling. I couldn’t express the full extent of my understanding of her experiences she retold over the phone: I could predict them. I was chuffed I had analysed the problem correctly and now my brain was on the search … Continue reading Another Perspective

Self Worth

It’s weird how throughout our life we pass many people. It’s like a bus where passengers hop on and off but some stay longer and others don’t leave. It also depends where the bus is going which determines which kind of passengers get on board. We are the driver but not always in control of … Continue reading Self Worth


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