Be Patient

The ADHD instinct to think a six-month process will take five minutes.

That’s how Lolo described my frustration.

Add on the lack of strong men in my life. I experience weak men who can’t take action for justice or use power to elevate their egos and harm me.

It’s the overspill that prompts action and attention. Not the actual process of filling up. No one care unless you make noise. I am not making noise for sympathy. I want people to stop calling me strong.

I do not want to fight anymore. How hard is it to get that? I do not wish to be labelled resilient.

The irony of showing my vulnerability came back to take up even more of my exhausted energy. I just people to stop judging me in an extraordinary light. I am human. I have needs. I have weaknesses. I wamt to be loved and forgiven.

The lack of reliable men hurts. Why men? I already have plentiful strong reliable women in my life, but unfortunately, the men also have a part to play.

It’s the 17th May. Twentyfour years on and I am still watiting for life to become easier. Every day and night I see my sixteen year old, I see my brother. The sister longing for her big brother to protect her from the narcissitic men is waiting in vain. At least this big brother is attempting to bond and understand his difficult sister. She craves the same attention, belonging and acceptance that I did and do. Like me rejected by her father and brother. In the past. Alhumdulillah, her brother has returned to provide that emotional support if she would accept it. If she would overcome the communication differences, forgive and let go of unintentional hurt.

I know my post won’t make sense to many, but those who have experienced the oppression of men in power- whether that is domestic violence, professionals, the inaction of relatives, or even so-called well-wishers- will know exactly what I am talking about.

Add on the Highly Sensitive Person lens to all of this and no wonder I am unable to leave my bed or eat or change. It’s paralysing yet I don’t want sympathy or words. I just want to share my experience to let non autisitc and non-ADHD people (aka the neuro-normative) know they can make or break fellow humans with (lack of) empathy.

We all have the power to impact each other.

It starts with words then action.